Femme Posse Meeting

November 5th, 2006

"The Transgender Community and its Impact on Femmes"

Attendees: Bethany, Cat, Chiana, Constance, Diane, Dyani, Hillary, Julie M., Julie, Kathy, Leanne, Leslie, Margo, Michelle, nancy, Sonya, Stacy Tazz, Tonia & Victoria. Facilitator & Host: Julie. Time Keeper: Taz.


  • Potluck & Social
  • Facilitator Welcome & Roundtable Introductions
  • Topic Discussion
  • Open Discussion
  • Business Items & Announcements
  • Exchange & Clean-Up

    We began by introducing ourselves and describing when we got involved in the FemmePosse and why.

    Discussion Generators where then read:

  • Are you or have you ever been in a relationship with a Transgender person?
  • If so, did they transition before or after the relationship began?
  • Would (or Should) your sexual orientation identity change from (gay/bi to straight/bi) while in a relationship with an FTM (Female to Male)?
  • How do you feel about the inclusion/exclusion of Transgender people in the lesbian community?
  • Have you experienced or witnessed negativity from butches towards transgender people or their lovers?

    Conversation Highlights

  • The transition phase is a long and hard one for the person transitioning as well as the lover. The Femme who is involved with someone transitioning must also go through a transition herself.
  • With the hard truth that a Femme's identity is dependent on her partner's, when their identity changes so does ours.
  • Femmes and transitioning partners are no longer seen in the community anymore. Their visibility diminishes as their outside appearance resembles a heterosexual couple.
  • The community is feeding exclusion with the terminology. With trying to define something that is indefinable at this time.
  • In order to ensure a women's safe space, community leaders are forced to draw lines.
  • Open Question: "How can the community adjust to be more inclusive of transfolk?". Answer: Discard the binary system of gender.
  • In poly relationships, we're finding others who don't allow dating of a TG or FTM since it's "just the same as dating a man". This is another reason why we shouldn't be seeing only two genders.
  • Since trans-exclusion in the community is such a hot item, stories are becoming iconic.
  • Transgender does not equal Transsexual. Transsexual seems to be more accepted.
  • Although going through transition with a partner is a difficult, challenging and possibly heart-breaking experience - it still continues to expand our minds and open our hearts.
  • Femmes will naturally take on a supporting role when a partner transitions and get the brunt of it.
  • In general it doesn't close us off from future relationships with transgender lovers.

    After the first hour of discussion we collectively decided to have open socializing and regroup at the last 1/2 hour before the clothing exchange.

    Business Items:

  • New project: "Secrets of the Femme Posse" will include various submissions from the posse members: Recipes, Crafts, Sex Tips, Beauty Tricks, etc.
  • Next meeting will be Saturday, December 2nd at Tazz's House in Emeryville from 2:00 - 5:00pm. Was previously moved to Dec 9th to accommodate the social but moved back again to the original date.
  • Victoria offered to host a future meeting in San Francisco.
  • A survey will be arriving in your email soon. Please fill it out. Julie, Cat & Leslie are merely coordinators of the true leaders of the FemmePosse - It's members!

    Upcoming Events & Announcements:

  • Butch/Femme Social next Friday, November 10th 5:30 - 9:30 at the Eagle in SF. See Flyers at suggestion box.
  • Butch/Femme Holiday Party scheduled for Friday, December 8th 5pm - Midnight at the Humanist Hall in Oakland.
  • Leslie will be organizing an all-inclusive Transgender Study Group. Possibly start with Patrick Califia's book "Sex Changes". The first meeting will be held in Emeryville at Leslie's house. Email a href="mailto:lhmezzo@aol.com">Leslie for more info.
  • Next Exile's meeting on Friday, November 17th at the Women's Building in SF 8:00-10:00pm. See Flyers at suggestion box.
  • Hillary is looking for fellow femmes to join her at Nordstrom's event on Nov. 18th. They're closing their cosmetics & perfume departments and serving champagne & appetizers. Tickets are $10 and gets you $10 off your evening's purchase. Email Hillary if interested.
  • Open Question: Where to go to meet Femmes for Femmes? Answers: Mecca on Thursdays or try Cav Wine Bar on Fridays.

    Thank you to all who participated in the discussions and potluck! The food seems to get more and more delicious!

    Also a special note of gratitude to Julie for sharing her lovely home with us!