Femme Posse Meeting

Saturday, April 2, 2005

"Femme Identity: Straight vs. Gay & Invisibility in the Lesbian Community."

Attendees: Rachel C., Dianne H., Gayla S., Debra C., Julie M., Michelle, Lara, Tiffany, Amba, and Tasha

A great turnout! The meeting started with a discussion regarding the diversity of the butch/femme community, and the lack thereof. On the whole, the butch/femme community is trying to bridge the gap between the WOC and Caucasians. A Femme_Posse business card was a suggestion as a way to introduce more femmes to join our group. We also want to be mindful of new couples joining the group that both feel welcome, and the relationship not feel at risk to intrusion.

As the meeting continued, more thoughts on how to deal with break ups with regards to relationships emerged. How do we deal with the break up when our friend(s) wish to date an ex-lover? How do we show respect towards our friend(s)? Should we seek permission to date our friends’ ex’s? How do we handle wanting to date the same butch? So on and so forth…. In this community – it seems this is continually an issue and we want to forge a feeling of openness and acceptance within the femme posse, and not one of animosity or jealousy.

The meeting topic was “The Femme Identity: Straight vs. Gay.” The discussion centered around feeling invisible in the lesbian community, because we may appear to be straight. Some of us felt compelled to wear queer i.d. jewelry to be more identifiable. Suppose you walk into a straight bar, and were questioned, “why are you here?” Many of us have experienced that in lesbian bars as we didn’t seem to fit in – especially in the 70’s and 80’s where being femme and/or wearing make-up was considered catering to the patriarchy.

A few of us spoke up about how we are still struggling to dress according to how we feel about our own gender, in the 2000’s. Did we dress differently in the 70’s, 80’s, or even 90’s? Did we wear more androgynous clothing, such as big long flannel shirts, were we more or less feminine than we are today? Many women have come more into their femininity as they’ve matured. Some have felt free to be more femme as they’ve partnered with a butch who appreciated it.

We also discussed the notion of more people in the community becoming “married in the suburbs”. Seem like many dyke couples take on this lifestyle, especially when children are in the picture. In these family are they seen as two Mommy’s or are they Mommy & Daddy? Are we becoming more like the average middle class society rather than the radical lesbians of the 80’s? These were some of the thought provoking questions discussed in the meeting.

Please join us for our next Femme Posse meeting is scheduled for Sunday, May 1, from 1p.m. to 4p.m, Karen’s place in San Francisco. The meeting topic is "Femme Parenting & Family Issues." The meeting will be a potluck, and we will be exchanging clothes and books.

We will be ending the meeting promptly, for those of us who wish to go to Unleash, at Mudjool in San Francisco's Mission district afterwards. A bunch of us checked it out last time and really liked it, awesome space, beautiful people, good energy! Its just six blocks from Karen’s place, on Mission near 21st Street (right next door o Foreign Cinema).

For those of you planning early, the next Femme Posse meeting will be held Saturday, June 4, at Debra's place. The time will be from 2pm - 5pm, and the topic of discussion will be..."Making love to a butch - Blow jobs to penetration." This meeting will be a potluck and clothing exchange.