Femme Posse Meeting

Sunday, March 6, 2005

"Relationships & Romance: How to find it, and how to keep it alive."

Attendees: Debra, Diane, Gayla, Amy, Shdiva, Stephanie, Ann, Karen, Rae, Susan, and Lara. The topic of discussion: Relationships & Romance: How to get them & How to keep them alive.

Business items: We discussed the possibility of getting a “Femme Posse” bracelet. We have found a source for rhinestone bracelet that would spell out “Femme Posse” on a black leather band. The cost should be around $12 - $14 each. We’d like to get an idea of how many women would be interested in purchasing the bracelets before placing the order. There will be a separate email soliciting your response for bracelets.

The organization of our meetings was turned over to a new committee of three, which consists of Ann, Gayla, & Susan. They will take care of planning and announcing upcoming meetings & topics, and taking notes for the website.

We also discussed setting up a regular pick-up at BART for future meetings. We’ll arrange a time at the closest BART station (around meeting start time, giving 5-10 minutes for trains to arrive), so those riding public transportation can plan to be there and know they’ll get a ride to the meeting. This will also be coordinated by the committee.

On the subject of romance & relationships, we spoke about the different dynamics of the butch/femme community and asked members of the group… how does a femme approach a butch and vice-versa? Some women feel shy about asking and fear rejection. Some good advice on approach – ask if anyone in a group would want to dance, the odds are that one will say yes, instead of facing rejection when asking only one person. We also reminded each other that when you put the positive energy out to commit to things you want, things would eventually unfold and happen. Plus, having confidence in oneself will enable you to get what you want in life.

We spoke about etiquette – about saying ‘no,’ without hurting someone’s feelings. Be honest about the space you are in. It’s better to say what you feel in a respectful way than to beat around the bush – so to speak. Learn to trust your own instincts, when you don’t feel the connection, don’t proceed. Learn to let it go… A good example, “I’m sure you are a very special person, I’m just not feeling that kind of connection with you.” Be strong, be firm, and feel empowered.

There was also discussion about maintaining long-term relationships. It takes work to keep a relationship going past the two-year infatuation and sexual energy phase. Those in long-term relationships had some good advice. First, be clear on what you want in a partner. You may be surprised that the person you wouldn’t necessarily be drawn to, is the very one you’d be most compatible with long-term. Second – you must learn to fight fairly – there will always be disagreements in any relationship, and finding a common ground and learning to work through them leads to long-term success. Third – you and your partner should be committed to working things out together – not just getting together to see if things might work out.

We also spoke about different types of people. The phrase “diamonds in the rough,” came up for discussion. Some thought this is settling, others agreed that this phrase sheds more light on reality with a different perspective. Working with what you have and knowing what you want, you may find a deeper connection with someone than you think.

Poly relationships were a part of the discussion. How does one handle them without getting hurt? Some thought that certain types of personalities are able to handle multiple partners; others felt it didn’t sit well with them. We didn’t really have time to spend discussing poly-relationships and thought it might make a good topic in itself for a future meeting.

Another phrase came up, “until death do us part,” is this how we function/take in relationship, or should we just be grateful for the years we spend with our partners. Everybody has a different mindset and in the end, we should be respectful of each other’s thoughts, feelings, and be grateful for the insight and support we receive from each other.

The next meeting is scheduled for Saturday, April 2, from 11:30am to 2:30p.m. at Debra's house in Richmond. The meeting topic is “Femme Identity: Straight vs. Gay & Invisibility in the Lesbian Community.” The meeting will be a potluck, and we'll be exchanging all kinds of household items for home and garden just in time for spring cleaning

For those planning early, the next Femme Posse meeting will be Sunday, May 1, from 1 to 4:00p.m, at Karen's place in San Francisco. The topic will be “Femme Parenting & Family Issues”. We will be ending the meeting promptly, for those of us who wish to go to “Unleash,” in San Francisco’s mission district afterwards. A bunch of us checked it out last time and really liked it, awesome space, beautiful people, good energy!